Requiem
by JustSlightlyConfused
Summary: It seems hard to embrace the truth when denial protects us from what we never want to accept.


**Hello everyone! I am once again back and this story took precedence over all else and I'm not sure why. I just really wanted to get it down and am pretty satisfied with how it turned out. A fair warning: It was very emotionally draining to write this. If you'd like to go the extra mile with heartbreak, here's the song I listened to on repeat while writing this: That Kid in Fourth Grade Who Really Like the Denver Broncos .Listen to it while reading, but only if you dare. Review and let me know what you thought! Have an awesome day everyone.**

Sulu awoke to a face staring down at him, so naturally, he screamed.

The figure above him jumped back in shock as Sulu scrambled to sit up straight and focus on who was currently in his room.

The man rubbed his eyes blearily and squinted as his room came into focus.

"Chekov?" Sulu said in disbelief. He glanced at the clock on his side table and nearly cried out in frustration. "It's seven in the morning, Pavel! What the hell?"

If Chekov knew the other man was upset, he was obviously ignoring it from what Sulu could tell.

"Vake up, lazy bones! It's your day off and you should spend ewery moment enjoying it," the boy said happily.

"I would really enjoy it if I could sleep for 3 more hours," Sulu grumbled, "but obviously _that's _not happening.

He ungracefully rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a thud.

"This carpet is actually really comfortable. Do you think you could let me lay here for just a little bit longer?" Sulu asked, his voiced muffled by the floor.

Chekov laughed. "Nice try, Karu'. Up! Let's go. Breakfast is vaiting".

"Great. Replicated eggs. I can't wait," Hikaru muttered sarcastically as he walked toward his closet.

"I'll meet you in ze mess hall!" Chekov called as the door slid shut.

Sulu thudded his head against the wall. "Sleeping in once. That's all I wanted," he whimpered unhappily.

* * *

Once he'd manage to properly dress himself, Sulu met Chekov at their usual table near the entrance to the mess hall. He'd grabbed their usual breakfasts and set them down as he sat in an unoccupied chair.

"Still tired, I assume?" Chekov giggled slightly. Sulu just rolled his eyes and began eating his scrambled eggs and pancakes.

"So vhat do you plan on doing today?" The boy across from him inquired.

"Well for starters, I'm going to go throw a muffin at those guys over there that won't stop staring at us," Sulu replied as he glanced at a table full of red-shirted engineers who seemed to be very bad at averting their gaze.

Chekov looked over his shoulder and just shook his head. "Ah, don't vorry about zhem. Zhere probably distracted by your bedhead".

Sulu self-consciously combed a hand through his hair as his friend laughed at him.

"Just eat your toast you little gremlin," Hikaru muttered. He'd noticed Chekov hadn't taken a single bite of his food, which was odd, because the teen was usually finished before anyone else knew what happened.

Chekov smirked and sat there drumming his fingers against the table and humming until Sulu was finished his meal.

"So? Vhere to first?"

* * *

If Sulu had a quarter for every hour that seemed like a minute, he'd be able to buy his own starship.

The day had slipped by faster than he'd have liked, but it went rather well nonetheless.

He and Pavel spent most of the day in the rec room, challenging each other in everything from card games to who could hold their breath the longest. They'd roamed the halls as well, just talking to each other and enjoying the other's company; but not without a few odd stares from passing crewman. Sulu kept asking his young friend if there was something on his face, but each time he received nothing more than a laugh and a 'no'.

Both boys ended up crashing in Pavel's room for a while, watching a movie to pass the time. It wasn't until Sulu heard a knock on the door that he quickly got up to answer it.

"Expecting someone, Pavel?" Sulu looked toward the boy who currently sat crisscross on a chair behind him.

Chekov shrugged his shoulders. "Not zat I know of."

Sulu allowed access to the room and was surprised to see the Captain outside the door.

"Captain," Hikaru said, "is something wrong?"

Kirk smiled almost…sadly? and shook his head. "Nah, was just walking by and decided to drop in for a minute."

He looked around the room a moment, almost as if he was taking it all in.

Kirk took a seat on the couch opposite from Pavel's chair and the bed on which Sulu now sat.

There was something off about the atmosphere around him, but Hikaru couldn't quite figure out what.

Jim sighed across from him, his hands folded and resting between his knees. "I thought I'd come talk for a while. Seems like no one else is really in a mood for talking on a day like this."

Kirk leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and rubbed his hands over his face.

"I've always heard people say that the first year is the hardest. I guess that's like most things: you never really understand what they mean until you're living it." He sighed once more. "I don't know. Thinking about it makes me feel so…lost. It doesn't seem right, you know? How everything changed so quickly. How it's already been a year. I wake up a lot in the morning expecting everything to be the way it was before. It's only when I'm fully awake that I realize it's not."

Sulu looked to his right; the chair next to him was empty.

"I miss him," Kirk said. "All the time I feel like he'll be right there, sitting at the helm. It's weird. It feels like the only person who can make me feel better about losing him…is him".

Sulu looked at his Captain, tears brimming on the edges of his eyes.

"I, um," he breathed in, voice quavering," I know the feeling".

Kirk nodded at him and then exhaled deeply. "Some of the others, they're..." He paused a moment. "_I'm..._worried about you".

Sulu said nothing. He trained his eyes to the floor.

"We think it's time, Hikaru. To let go. This thing, this wall you've put up, it's pushing people away. You're going to lose everyone who's ever cared about you if this goes on."

Kirk looked at his friend. "And I don't want that. And I know you don't want that either."

Jim leaned back in his chair, waiting for anything: an answer or response. Even just some acknowledgement that what he'd said had gotten through. There was a silence between the two men for a moment.

"I understand, sir," Sulu managed to say in a voice barely above a whisper.

Kirk nodded his head in somewhat relief. He stood up and walked over, putting a comforting hand on the other man's shoulder. The Captain gave his Lieutenant a small smile of encouragement. "I'll see you later, Hikaru".

Kirk then quietly left the room, steel doors gliding closed behind him.

Sulu folded his hands together and listened to the silence around him. Some part of him wanted that familiar voice to speak; to say anything to him. But the part of him that anchored him to this world knew that such a possibility didn't exist.

All those days he'd tried to keep his friend's light alive, he'd failed to notice the dimming of his own. Sulu knew it was time to let go, but that didn't make it any easier.

He stood up and reached for a framed photo that resided on one of the shelves above the bed. Two boys, arms thrown over each other's shoulders, smiled as if everything in the world was absolutely right. Sulu sometimes wished he could travel back to a time that carefree, that innocent.

But it wasn't right to dwell on the past. A close friend had told him that.

_"__What? So you think having memories is a bad thing?"_

_"__No, zhat's not vhat I meant. I'm saying you can't live your life with ze notion zat ze only good zhings in life are in ze past. _

_"__I'm sorry but I don't really see a difference here". _

_"__You have to look ahead, but be mindful of vhat's on ze ground in front of you. Don't look back for too long. Glance, yes, take in ze journey and see all you've accomplished. But do not dvell. For if you stay turned around too long, you may newer see vhat is in front of you, or vhat is ahead. Our days are a finite number. Do not waste them on regret."_

Sulu set down the picture and headed for the door.

"Eet vill get better in time. Zhings vill look up, Karu. You told me zhat once. Eet's time you listened to your own words".

Sulu turned, but there was no one there, only an empty room and nothing more.

As he walked through the open doorway, a small smiled tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Things will look up, he thought.

Things would get better. The scars would never really heal, and the memories would never really fade, but time can do a little bit as far as acceptance goes. The world would go on and the pain would dull and the light would once again shine bright like it used to.

Eventually, things would look up.

Eventually.

**So there it is. I'm afraid my inner writer was just screaming 'you know what this needs? plOT TWIST'. And thus, this angst riddled piece was born. If you were confused at all, this story isn't part of my regular canon, but rather a one-shot where Chekov died and Sulu just couldn't seem to let go. Thank you so much for your continued support and don't forget to review!**


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